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SEX AFTER THE BABY ARRIVES: THIRD PERSON IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Childbirth is an intensely moving experience. For parents, it feels like the climax of pregnancy and labor but it’s really just the beginning. Any couple will tell you having a baby really changes things. Where there was a partnership of two, now there is a third party. Loved, yes. Wanted, yes. Cute, absolutely!

But whichever way you look at it, having a baby means bringing a third person into your relationship and that is bound to be one of its greatest tests. It can be a complete disruption or an opportunity to rediscover each other — emotionally and sexually. Fran said, ‘Greg and I were together for seven years before we had Amy. I thought I knew everything about him but seeing him as a father showed me a whole new side to his character. I used to love to just watch him hold her and talk to her, and the way she responded to him. I fell in love with him all over again.’ Now while this may be the ideal outcome, having a new baby does force both partners to reassess their sexuality in the context of their whole relationship. It is a major landmark.

Just how much a relationship is affected will depend on the state of the relationship before the pregnancy. It’s not unusual to hear of couples having a baby to try to patch up a shaky relationship. These ‘Bandaid babies’ do no more than hide the damage for a while, distracting them from the real issues. Unless the underlying problems in the relationship are dealt with, this solution is doomed to be temporary and ultimately unsuccessful.

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