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SEX AND SEXUAL PROBLEMS: ERECTIONS BEFORE/AFTER PENETRATION

If you think you are having sexual problems for whatever reason, then a sex therapist can help. Working out the nature of the problem is the first step and that’s not always straightforward.

Some men think they are ‘impotent’ because they lose their erections before or soon after penetration. However if the erection disappears because he has already ejaculated, that’s an entirely different matter. We call that premature ejaculation. It’s a bit hard to come up with a definition for premature ejaculation because, like many sexual problems, it’s largely a matter of perception. Many women who orgasm quite quickly (often during foreplay) are not rapt in the concept of being pumped for ages.

Over the years they’ve tried to define premature ejaculation by a variety of methods — not being able to last two minutes after penetration, or a certain number of thrusts and so on. The definition I like is that a man or his partner wishes he could last longer.

One of the myths about the best way to deal with premature ejaculation involved the man distracting himself by reciting some list, like the American presidents. ‘George Washington, John Adams … oops! What is it about Thomas Jefferson?’ or ‘That was great darling … at least a Woodrow Wilson!’ Sports fans could try lists like the batting averages of the cricket Tests since 1912 … ‘What do you mean “You’re out”? Don’t you think there is a certain irony about trying to enhance a mutually erotic experience by pretending you aren’t doing it?

*126/17/9*

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