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SEX AND SEXUAL PROBLEMS: WHAT DOES YOUR PARTNER WANT?

A group of women were asked what they thought a man might learn about female sexuality if he were to switch places with them for a while … to become a woman for a time. Their answers’ were direct and revealing. ‘He’d learn how good it feels to warm up slowly, to really take time with foreplay.’ ‘He’d find out why I hate my clitoris being touched until I’m really horny’ ‘He’d find out why I hate him rolling over and going straight to sleep as soon as he comes. After an orgasm is the time I like to get all cosy and talk about things, and all I get back is snoring. It makes me so mad.’

A group of men was asked the same question. What would a woman learn about a man’s sexuality if she switched places for a while. ‘She’d learn what it is like to have a body part with a mind of its own!’ ‘She’d understand why I like her to take the initiative in sex more often.’ ‘She’d find out why I’m always asking for a blow-job!’

So it seems a lot of heterosexual encounters could be enhanced if both men and women knew more about each other’s sexual needs and responses. It’s such a difficult area to get good advice. As teenagers, boys and girls talk a lot about sex but with necessarily limited experience of the finer technical details. Where can they go for reliable advice? ‘Dad, I was just wondering how to know how much pressure to put on my girlfriend’s clitoris so that it gets the best reaction’ is not the sort of question that might comfortably be fielded by most parents.

Whatever your age, a sexual problem can be difficult to acknowledge to yourself and it is even more difficult to ask for help. But it doesn’t have to be a disaster. Confronting the problem can be the turning point in a relationship. It can be a catalyst for talking, experimenting and exploring your options. All this leads to a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner.

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